I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
