Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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