I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
