Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
