he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
