Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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