when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
You know, be my cock's hype man.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
