laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
