why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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