Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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