i think my mom watched the whole time
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Randomize
