you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
