dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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