I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
No...this little piggys going to the bar
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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