physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
