did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Randomize
