I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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