New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
