My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Randomize
