I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
