Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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