I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
