Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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