He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
