he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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