Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
