I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
