I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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