This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize