yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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