we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my being single is dangerous.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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