I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
