I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
