...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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