Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
