Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Randomize
