you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
