i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
