If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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