i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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