remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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