Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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