i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
