Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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