Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
