So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
