I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
