were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
