I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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