a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
