Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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