Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
