look no pants
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize