a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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