Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
