So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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