Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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