Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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