Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
