This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
