if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
