bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
