I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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