New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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