His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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