I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
