A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
