I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
