Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Randomize
